Plastic Ipsum

How many paragraphs?

I will keep you here until four. I'm new. I just moved here from Africa. Still half-true. You smell like a baby prostitute. Ashton Kutcher. Cold, Shiny, Hard, PLASTIC. Made out with a hot dog? Oh my God that was one time! Oh, no. It was coming up again, word vomit... no, wait a minute… Actual vomit. Can I help you? I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The 2 were seen canoodling at Chris Isen's halloween party... they've been inseparable ever since. I'm a MOUSE. DUH. She's fabulous, but she's evil. Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic. Because that vest was disgusting! Oh no, trust me, I know exactly how to play it. But wait, aren't you *so* mad at Gretchen for telling me? Because if you are you can tell me, it was a really bitchy thing for her to do. Welcome! Yeah, he's almost too gay to function. Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant -- and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers. Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks. See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, Aaron Samuels, for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize. Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George. Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now. She doesn't even go here! Vintage, so adorable.

I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man. Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen! There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it. Motherf - Regina said she'll talk to Aaron. And now she is. How can Janis hate her? She's such a good... SLUT! Growing up female in this world is not easy. In China, baby girls are routinely put up for adoption. And in parts of Africa, women are still made to live in tents during the time of their menses. My nana takes her wig off when she is drunk. My apologies. I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee. Did you just say "thang"? Hey, Africa. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. I gave him everything... I was half a virgin when I met him! That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners. Janis, I cannot stop this car. I have a curfew. I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care. Janis Ian - Dyke. You know what? You're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your 8th grade revenge! I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD Karen you're so stupid! Regina, you're wearing sweatpants. It's Monday. See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, Aaron Samuels, for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize. Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. She just moved here all the way from Africa. And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that. Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat. Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you. Her name is Cady. Cady Heron. Where are you, Cady?

Oh, Regina gave me some perfume. Still true. One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome. Your parents have been eaten by cannibals! Welcome! You can't sit with us! Cold, Shiny, Hard, PLASTIC. You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, cool Asians, varsity jocks, unfriendly black hotties, girls who eat their feelings, girls who don't eat anything, desperate wannabes, burnouts, sexually active band geeks, the greatest people you will ever meet, and the worst. Beware of the plastics. I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. Cady, this is your night. Don't let the hataz stop you from doin' ya thang! Just kidding. No! Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you're a homeschooled jungle freak, that's a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don't try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy c... And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back! Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass! Janis Ian - Dyke. Cady, do you even know who sings this? Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls! She doesn't even go here! Regina George... How do I begin to explain Regina George? An "ex-wife." Oh, God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd rather you do it in the house. I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch. She asked me how to spell orange. Right. Oh, and it's the same with guys. Like, you may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.